Most divorce cases involve one person who has thought about it for months and is prepared mentally and financially to proceed and the other person who is completely unprepared and feels blind-sided by the “sudden” decision to separate. There are certain actions that can be undertaken if you want to be prepared.

• Open a separate bank account. Do not put your money into a joint account with your spouse. Stop all direct deposits into joint accounts.

• Open your own credit card accounts. Talk to credit card companies and check into removing your liability on any joint credit cards.

• If needed for yourself and/or your children, consult with a therapist. This is a difficult time emotionally for all involved.

• Be certain that you have the financial information that you have the financial information that you will need. Know where the bank accounts are, together with the account numbers. Know where the investment accounts are. Know who holds the mortgage on the house and what the monthly payment is. Know what your spouse’s income is. Get a copy of the pay stub if you are able. Most of this information can be gathered by paying attention to the mail for a month or so.

• Depending on the assets, you may want to contact a financial planner. Many of these are certified as divorce financial specialists.

• Have the health insurance information and the insurance card itself.

• Have a vehicle titled in your name or leased to you to avoid your spouse “repossessing” your car if it is in his/her name.

• Find out from an experienced family law attorney what your rights are.

Often people sabotage their own custody cases. If you make any of the mistakes listed below, you are setting yourself up to lose!

1. Don't cooperate with your lawyer. You have hired someone who knows the law and knows the judges who will decide your case. If you fail to follow your attorney's advice, you are throwing away all of that expertise, in addition to hurting your case. You are also increasing your legal fees needlessly. Cooperation includes telling the entire truth. Surprises in court are truly bad experiences for all involved.

2. Don't cooperate with Social Services. Social Services can be involved, either in preparing a court ordered Home Study or in investigating a complaint of child abuse or neglect. If you make an enemy of Social Services, bad consequences are sure to follow.

3. Don't cooperate with the Guardian ad Litem. A guardian ad litem, who is a lawyer for your child, may be appointed by the court. The guardian ad litem typically interviews the child, parents, and others involved in the case. The guardian ad litem then reports back to the judge about their observations and opinions, often making a recommendation to the judge as to who should have custody. It is therefore crucial that the guardian ad litem have a favorable opinion about every aspect of you and your life.

4. Don't cooperate with the court. When a judge enters a court order, he expects everyone to abide by it. If you do not, the judge can punish you by finding you in contempt of court. More important though, he can rule against you, and you will not have custody. This rule applies even if you think it was a dumb order.

5. Don't cooperate with the other parent. While it may be human nature to behave badly toward the other parent during a custody battle, you need to resist this impulse. Judges consider which parent is cooperative and fair with visitation. Encourage contact between your child and the other parent. Do not create difficulties. Do not make a scene, especially in front of the child. This rule applies even if you think that the other parent is a horrible person and an even more horrible parent. Just remember they possibly feel the same way about you. Get over it.

6. Don't cooperate with the school. Teachers and babysitters often find themselves in court as witnesses. They can be friend or foe based on their perception of you. Get the child to school on time with brushed teeth, brushed hair, clean clothes and a clean body. Communicate and show your involvement and concern. Do not try to exclude the other parent from school information or school activities.

7. Don't cooperate with the doctors. Frequently, doctors are called as witnesses in custody hearings. At a minimum, their records are reviewed by the guardian ad litem and/or the judge. Do not question their diagnosis or treatment plan just because the other parent brought the child to see them. You should cooperate fully with all medical doctors and professionals who are involved in your child's care.

 

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